my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
