all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
