he puts the penis in happiness.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
