He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
