I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
