Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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