I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
When did angry sex become our thing?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
