so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
