i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
