Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
