yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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