Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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