I wish I could teleport
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
