nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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