she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
well you can't waste a boner
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
