what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
