He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
