when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
