boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
