Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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