I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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