It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
