kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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