just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
