what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
