I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
