I feel like I'm in dance class right now
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
