WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
