Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Randomize
