It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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