He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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