I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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