you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
