I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
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I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
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I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
i think i just lost a toe
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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