he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
