The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
