i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
