quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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