i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
