You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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