I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
