when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
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Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
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You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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