Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
