the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
