her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
