I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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