I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
