Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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