i permit you to call me
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
