the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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