tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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