Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
