How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I just found a bag of teeth...
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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