i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
