Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
