I love black thongs
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
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