I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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