I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
