as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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