"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize