I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
