I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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