My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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