You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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