someone get that fucking seahorse.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
