i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
