no, he came in my armpit
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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