can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
