Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
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I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
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She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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