The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
