I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in