11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money