toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
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yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
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sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.