Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I just found a bag of teeth...
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.