he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION