That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am