I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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