I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
