You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
